


The Things We've Lost

by autistic_dragon



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Race Changes, Cultural Identity, Discussion of Cultural Genocide, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Religious Abuse, Loss Of Culture, Loss of Identity, Male Character of Color, Mother-Son Relationship, Native American Character(s), Native American/First Nations Culture, Ojibwe/Chippewa Culture, Racism, but please know that they're married and deeply in love and are currently talking about adoption, the iron husbands is barely there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-16 14:07:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13637829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/autistic_dragon/pseuds/autistic_dragon
Summary: Is it really possible to reclaim a heritage that you chose to leave behind?(Tony's late night musings on culture, heritage, and his mother.)





	The Things We've Lost

**Author's Note:**

> Will I ever write something that doesn't involve shoving my personal issues onto Tony and Maria? Probably not. Disclaimer: I am not half Native, but I was raised by my Ojibwe great-grandmother and a lot of the things in this story are things that I am personally struggling with now.
> 
> End notes include definitions for words that readers may not recognize and elaborations for the warnings.

Late at night, when Tony was plagued by insomnia and all he had to was lay in bed, listening to Rhodey breathe beside him, he thought. Mostly, he thought about his mother.

Sometimes, he thought about the Maria Stark that everyone knew. The beautiful socialite with with perfectly curled hair, slinky gowns, diamonds that glittered in the light, and red lips that matched the glass of wine in her hand. The Maria who hosted parties as if that was what she was born to do, who invested everything she had in charities that would have gone unnoticed if not for her efforts, who was passionate about her work and about changing the world. The Maria who was always smiling, never had a nasty word to say about anyone, and was best friends with everyone she spoke to for more than 5 minutes.

Tony also thought of every glass of wine and champagne that she took but never once sipped from, of smears of lipstick on his cheek when she kissed him while her makeup was still fresh. Of watching her fingers tighten around the stem of her glass every time a man would tell her how "exotic" her brown skin was or a woman would talk about the latest "tribal inspired" fashion line. Of her tucking the two of them into a corner, where'd she'd hide her lips behind her hand and whisper jokes to him about the other guests, mocking their vanity and selfishness and bigotry. Of how she sharply rebuffed every request to touch her hair, her eyes going hard and sharp for a split second before she buried her anger and smoothly changed the topic.

Mostly, though, the Maria in his thoughts was who she was at home, when it was only the two of them, as if the rest of the world didn't exist. When she hadn't curled her hair and instead left it pin-straight, letting him run his hands through the thick locks as she taught him how to braid. He remembered dancing with her in the empty ballroom, his feet resting on hers as they waltzed to her favorite records. And when she felt too tired and weak to dance, her medication leaving her body in a fog, they'd curl up together in her bed and she'd tell him stories of the Nibiinaabe, Windigoag, and Nanabozho.

_(Sometimes, when they were alone and the mansion was quiet, she'd tell him about her childhood. About growing up on the reservation, how she was taken from her family and sent to a boarding school. She'd whisper about bruises all over her body, welts on her back, and open cuts on her knees. He could still hear the tears in her voice as she talked about almost forgetting her own language._

_"They stole my culture, baby," she'd whisper to him in the dead of night, when no one else could hear. "They beat it out of me and replaced it with Catholicism and I will never forgive them for that.")_

Tony could remember how she hid her culture, tucking it in a box with her regalia, hiding it all in her closet behind Italian suits and French gowns. She never thought she could become successful living openly as an Ojibwe woman and maybe she was right. But she could never truly repress that part of herself.

While pregnant with him, she wove a dreamcatcher, an Asibikaashi, to hang above his crib. She spent long nights practicing her beadwork and when Tony was just a few years ago, she started attending an annual powwow with him. She would pull out her ribbon skirts and jingle dress, pull her hair into braids, and dance to a rhythm that her body never forgot. She never looked more alive than when she was dancing alongside her friends and family.

Slowly, as she reclaimed the culture that was stolen from her, she let herself be more openly Ojibwe. She started trading her Hollywood curls for long braids, wore less diamonds and more beadwork, and replaced some of her gowns for Ojibwe-inspired dresses and ribbon skirts. When a magazine described her as looking "too Indian," she made a point of showing of wearing jewelry and clothing made by Ojibwe artists whose names she dropped in every red carpet interview.

She went from being Howard Stark's "ambiguously brown" trophy wife to being one of the most famous Native people in the world, an outspoken advocate for all indigenous peoples.

And yet, after all his mother went through, Tony still allowed Obie to convince him to reject his culture too. Obie said it would hurt the company, make Tony seem less relatable and approachable to the average person, and Tony believed it. Just like his mother, he tucked his culture away as if it was nothing.

When was the last time he went to a powwow? Not since before his mother died, possibly even before he started college. Could he even still speak Anishinaabemowin if if he tried? When did he forget the stories that he once knew by heart. When did he start calling himself "tan" instead of "brown?" When did he go down the path that his mother tried so hard to steer him away from?

If she could look at him now, would she be ashamed of the man he had become?

The fact that he didn't know the answer was enough to make him decide that it was time for a change. He wouldn't let anyone steal his culture, heritage, and history from him any more than they already had. He was Ojibwe and he refused to be ashamed of that.

With this new determination burning brightly in his heart, Tony finally closed his eyes, relaxed against his husband's chest, and dreamt of the changes that tomorrow would bring.

  


**Author's Note:**

>  **Ojibwe:** Native American and First Nations peoples from areas around the Great Lakes. Part of the Anishinaabe cultural group. Often called Chippewa in the United States.
> 
> **Anishinaabemowin:** One of the (many) names for the Ojibwe language.
> 
> **Nibiinaabe:** A race of water sprites from Anishinaabe folklore. Nibiinnabe are usually described as being shaped like mermaids, with human torsos and fish tails. They are said to be frightened off by loud noises.
> 
> **Windigoag:** Plural form of Windigo. Evil man-eating giants of Anishinaabe mythology; usually the result of Anishinaabe people who have been consumed by greed or have turned to cannibalism.
> 
> **Nanabozho:** Anishinaabe trickster figure.
> 
> **Dreamcatchers:** An Ojibwe charm used to protect young children from bad dreams and the spirits that may cause them. Called asabikeshiinh in Ojibwe, a word meaning "spider." Often seen as sacred items by Ojibwe people.
> 
> **Warning elaboration:** There's vague descriptions of a Native child being mentally and physically abused at an American Indian boarding school. One description could be misinterpreted as sexual abuse, but is actually referencing Maria being punished by kneeling on a bag of dried corn for hours while she recites prayers. The religious aspect of the abuse is only vaguely implied in the story.  
> 


End file.
